Harry Potter GhettoBlasted!
by Erik's Rose 2809
Summary: It is the summer before Harry's 7th year at Hogwarts and he is nearing his birthday. He makes an interesting discovery about something Dudley keeps hidden in his bedroom and gets up to some mischief with Ron and Hermione.


**Harry Potter gets blasted!**

_Harry always wondered what Dudley really kept in his bedroom! Dudley has just received a very expensive birthday present and does not want Harry anywhere near it so he keeps it locked in his bedroom. Little do the Dursley's now realise that as Harry is of age, little can stop him from doing what he wants! This is what happened during the holidays before Harry's 7th year at Hogwarts._

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the rights to Harry Potter. J.K. has that privilege! I am just playing in her thought pool!**

Harry lay on his bed at number 4 Privet Drive one dreary Saturday afternoon unenthusiastically reading his Quidditch Through the Ages book Hermione had given him a few years ago. The Dursley's had taken Dudley out for his birthday and as usual being the mean vindictive adults they were, had even spared another thought about Harry and how he would amuse himself that afternoon.

"I don't want HIM near my bedroom when we're out!" Dudley had snapped, " I don't want him breaking it!" But what was "it"? The Dursley's had been so secretive about what "it" actually was. They had sneaked in a huge box covered with glittery blue paper and Dudley had waddled straight upstairs with it into his bedroom, he had refused to let anyone into his room including Harry and locked the door on his way out.

"So what did you get then big D?" Harry had asked cheekily when he met Dudley on the landing on the way downstairs.

"None of your business!" came the terse reply.

"Atta boy Dudders, tell the nasty little freak!" came Uncle Vernon's no-nonsense voice.

"I only asked!" Harry sighed exasperated. Part of him thought, "Leave it Harry, it's not worth it, you're of age now, you'll be leaving tomorrow!", but he couldn't let it rest. He turned resignedly and walked back towards his room

"We'll be taking Dudley out soon as it is his birthday; I trust you can take care of yourself?"

"Well I've managed it so far haven't I?" Harry retorted.

Aunt Petunia gave him a very stony look and practically ran down the stairs. Shortly afterwards, Harry heard the familiar squelching sound of Dudley and Uncle Vernon waddling down the stairs. Aunt Petunia's voice echoed up from the hall,

"No fumbling and nosing about whilst we are out! There is something in the fridge if you're hungry and don't go getting up to any funny business!"

"Oh I won't! Have a nice time!" Harry said slyly, glad they couldn't see the huge grin that was forming on his face.

"Hmm! Well big D, let's see what's really going on in your bedroom! Alohomora!"

Dudley's bedroom door swung open with the most deafening creak and Harry quickly slipped inside. In the corner was a huge square thing covered over by an old bed sheet. Harry tore the bed sheet off and gaped in awe as he saw the most magnificent Ghetto blaster with CD compartment, tape compartment and radio connected to a huge external speaker that Dudley also used for his electric guitar. It had Dolby digital surround sound and bass boost.

"Merlin's beard, big D!" Harry said quietly to himself, " No wonder you didn't want me in here!"

Harry went to Hedwig's cage and let her out. She landed on his arm and hooted softly. He quickly scrawled two letters, one to Hermione and one to Ron. They read,

"_Dear Ron and Hermione,_

_You have so got to come and see what my cousin Dudley got for his birthday! Are you up for some fun? The Dursley's are out. Hope to see you both soon, love Harry."_

Harry sent Hedwig off with the letters and very soon he heard two very familiar pops on the landing. He opened Dudley's door and greeted them

Both.

"Ron, Hermione. Come and have a look at this!" Harry grinned.

"Bloody hell Harry! What is that?" Ron exclaimed.

"That Ronald is what muggles call a Ghetto blaster!" Hermione explained.

"What does it do though?" Ron wanted to know.

"I'll show you if you like!" Harry said.

"Harry wait! Hadn't we better cast the muffliato spell first? I know how loud these things can get!"

Hermione quickly performed the muffliato spell so that they wouldn't be overheard and she then charmed Dudley's room so that it became like a discotech and got bigger and bigger.

"Right Harry! Shall we?" Hermione had the largest grin on her face and both she and Harry laughed mischievously. Ron looked a bit worried.

Hermione switched the Ghetto blaster on at the mains and cranked up the volume on the huge speaker.

"Ooh!" Hermione shrieked, "He's got a Robbie Williams CD in at the moment!"

"Who the bloody hell is he?" Ron asked.

"Don't know mate, but I think we're about to find out!" came Harry's reply.

Sure enough, Hermione pressed play and Robbie Williams' "Rock DJ" blasted out of the huge speaker and all Dudley's bedroom windows shattered in its wake. Hermione whooped with joy and started gyrating to the music, whilst Ron and Harry who had just got over the shock of the intense loudness of this machine started to laugh.

"Come on you two!" Hermione called, "Come and get dancing!"

Ron blushed scarlet and Harry started to fidget nervously, but before they even had the chance to be embarrassed, Hermione had pulled them onto the dance floor. Harry leapt about and starting to really quite enjoy himself, whilst Ron started shaking his arms in the air in a very protest-like dance. Hermione started to sing the chorus,

_"I don't wanna rock DJ,_

_But you're making me feel so nice!_

_When's it gonna stop DJ,_

_Cos you're keeping me up all night!"_

"Ooh Miss Granger, we never knew you could sing!" Harry and Ron laughed.

Hermione grinned and conjured up a pillow to chuck at them.

"Excellent! Pillow fight!" the boys chimed in unison.

And so it got very messy and feathery in Dudley's bedroom that Saturday afternoon with shards of broken glass and feathers littered all over the entire floor.

"Oh dear!" Hermione laughed, "We have made rather a mess haven't we? Let's get this tidied up!"

However, just as Hermione said this Dudley came waddling into room, they had forgotten in their haste to lock the door! Dudley yelled in surprise at seeing all three of them in his room.

"Aaaaarrrggghhhh! What are you doing in here? What have you done to my room AND my GHETTO BLASTER?" Dudley roared.

"Chill big D!" Harry said, "Surprise! Happy Birthday!"

A frown was beginning to form across Dudley's face and Harry new the all too familiar signs, but he was having far to much fun winding him up to go back now.

"Well aren't you going to come and join the party Big D?" Harry asked enjoying the look of wild fury etched on Dudley's face

"Yeah, come on Dudders!" Ron said with a wicked smirk.

"You're dead Potter! You and your freaks of friends!"

Dudley lunged at both Harry and Ron who quickly leapt out of his way grinning evilly.

Hermione also had a huge smile on her face which didn't go unnoticed by Dudley, who finally caved in.

"What you looking so happy about?" he snapped nastily," You look like a beaver!"

Hermione blushed with fury and indignation at this and reached into her robes for her wand, but Ron already had his wand out and waved it menacingly at Dudley.

"You are so going to regret calling my girlfriend that Dudley!" Ron snarled.

"Leave it Ronald!" Hermione sighed tiredly.

"No Hermione, I bloody well won't leave it! He called you a beaver!" Ron yelled.

"Well, what are you going to do then Ginger nut?" Dudley sneered.

"EAT SLUGS! You lardy git!" Ron bellowed.

Dudley yelled and then suddenly went quiet. With a huge belch and a gut-wrenching retch, he started spewing out slugs all over the bedroom floor.

Vernon and Petunia Dursley had charged up the stairs at the sound of the argument.

"Potter, what the ruddy hell is going on up there?" Vernon stormed charging into Dudley's bedroom.

"Aaaaaaaaarrrgh! Diddy dinkydums!" Aunt Petunia screamed, "Vernon are they...SLUGS!"

"Mum, Dad, help me, it won't stop!" Dudley cried in between retches reaching out to his mother.

Aunt Petunia shrieked and ran out of the room evidently disgusted by the sight of huge green slugs pouring out of Dudley's mouth.

"Fix him!" Uncle Vernon blustered. He slammed the door behind him and he and Aunt Petunia both pelted down the stairs and shut themselves away in the lounge for the rest of the evening. Harry meanwhile, laughed his head off at his Aunt and Uncle's ridiculous behaviour, and then he turned to Dudley and said,

"Well big D have you learnt your lesson? You can't keep anything from me! I have ways and means!" Harry said, then he muttered the counter curse and Dudley was spared any more embarrassment. He yelped helplessly and turned to run out of his room gripping his ample bottom in both hands. Rather quickly for Dudley, he sped off downstairs as fast as his flabby legs would take him and joined his mother and father in the lounge.

Harry, Hermione and Ron meanwhile laughed their heads off at the predicament they had caused for Dudley and his parents and all three of them agreed that this was probably one of the best tortures of Dudley yet. They decided that they'd had their fun and went about muttering spells and incantations to clear up the mess of glass, feathers and slug slime all over the bedroom floor. When this was done, Harry, Hermione and Ron made their way back to Harry's room.

" We'll stay here with you tonight mate.", Ron said, "We won't leave you on your own on to face them on your birthday!"

"Thanks guys!" Harry said.

"We'll go shopping in Diagon Alley tomorrow morning for your presents!", Hermione said happily, "Have you got any ideas as to what you might want?"

"Oh I have a few!", Harry smirked.

Everyone laughed at this as they made preparations to go to Diagon Alley with Harry in the morning. When everything was organised, they apparated to The Burrow to have tea with the Weasley's before returning back to Privet drive in the late hours of Saturday evening. They did this to ensure that the Dursley's would be asleep when they arrived and so avoid any nasty confrontations.

Hermione woke Harry and Ron up the next day at about 6:30am so that again, they could sneak off without bumping into the Dursleys. They were just sneaking across the landing when they were met by a very sleepy Aunt Petunia who had nipped out to go to the loo. On seeing them, she shrieked and shuffled clumsily across the landing quickly tripping on an edge of carpet in her haste to get back to her bedroom. They all laughed as they made their way downstairs into the lounge, it had been a truly ridiculous sight! Aunt Petunia was usually so prim and proper and tidy at all times. This morning, she looked like she had been dragged through a hedge backwards and a face resembling that of a shrunken corpse; then to go and trip on the carpet ending up even more dishevelled!

Harry, Ron and Hermione got all their things together and prepared to apparate to the Burrow for some breakfast with Ron's family before heading off for the day to Diagon Alley. Just as they were about to disapparate however, the Dursley's appeared in the lounge doorway. Petunia still looked like a corpse and Dudley and Vernon looked like two bags of lard on legs.

" I suppose you three think you can just leave now after what you did to Dudley?", Uncle Vernon snapped nastily, the purple colour beginning to rise in his face.

" That's what we intend to do, yes!", Harry retorted, "As for you stopping me, there's not much you can do about it anyway as I'm of age now!"

"You're a freak!", Uncle Vernon thundered, "We'll never be more happy to see you go, you and your freaky friends!"

"Who are you calling freaky lard-arse?", Ron growled his wand drawn.

"Oh leave it Ron!", Hermione said exasperated, "They're not worth it!"

Flecks of spit were shooting at the rate of 60mph from Uncle Vernon's mouth as a volley of abuse hurtled out in their direction, he and the other Dursley's then turned on their heel and marched out of the lounge.

"Right then that's done!", said Harry, "Let's go you two!"

Without further ado, they were gone from number four Privet Drive with another thought spared for the Dursleys. Harry was right, they were a rotten bunch, Hermione and Ron had not properly realised just how they nasty they could be until witnessing events first hand. Hermione expressed now what she and Ron were both thinking,

"Harry, I 'm so sorry, I never realised they were that bad!"

"That's o.k. Hermione, not a lot of people know that either, but we certainly made up for it today didn't we?", Harry grinned.

"Not half mate!", Ron concurred.

All three of them laughed and disapparated to the Burrow to fill Fred and George in on their latest torture of Dudley. The twins had always been trying to think of new ways of getting back at Harry's cousin and had never forgotten just how much fun they'd had when Dudley had eaten their tongue-ton toffee. Harry hadn't forgotten it either and subsequently was wary of taking anything the two brothers offered him, nonetheless, he was looking forward to filling them in and also to what his birthday might bring!

_Author's note: At the request of some of my other readers, I have done a complete re-write of this story and kept as true to the Dursley's characters as I could. I hope you find it better than the other one which I have subsequently deleted from the database as I wasn't happy with it either! Although this is very short and random, I hope you will find it funny, it's meant to be! Please feel free to read and review! Thanks to you all, even the harsh critics!_


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